Kindness really does help the medicine go down

In considering the advice I would give to my younger colleagues, one of the most important tips I would pass along is to remember that each youth you see in your office has potential. The brief interaction they, and their family have with you can have lasting consequences. As the child of a single father of four, my home life was chaotic at the best of times. We frequently arrived at the paediatrician’s office late, looking somewhat untidy and disorganized. I have no doubt that the paediatrician’s office day was just sent into a tailspin when we showed up. However, he took the time and interest to focus on each of us, and to inquire how my father was managing after the death of my mother at such a young age. Fifty some years later, I still recall his compassionate manner and patience, and have no doubt I have attempted to channel this approach with families. Many of us are seeing an increasing number of families facing significant social, economic, and behavioural issues. It can take precious time and resources to address these concerns. Remember that families are often stressed when we see them. They may even feel threatened or guilt-ridden for a variety of reasons. We must do our best to put families at ease, and build a positive relationship based on kindness and empathy. Demonstrate good listening skills; there is no greater show of respect. Try to be aware that it is easy to be drawn to those individuals or families that we feel a connection with, and more challenging to deal with personalities that are drastically different from our own. Frequently, our consultations involve addressing a long list of shortcomings or poor behaviours. During the initial consult, try asking families to first list all of the positive qualities of their child. Always remember to find the good in individuals. Before leaving the exam or hospital room, try to find some kind words that might inspire positive thoughts about the youngster and their family. Kindness is one of the most important skills to practice. In my current practice, I work with many children facing challenges at school, such as ADHD, autism, and other learning issues. I have experienced immense gratification in helping a young person turn their life around by identifying an otherwise invisible issue that so often affects feelings of self-worth and belonging. It is fundamental to coach parents to advocate for services on behalf of their child, as this does not come naturally to many of the families that we consult with. It is crucial to acknowledge that every member of your team plays a critical role in the care of children and families. You will often be viewed as having a leadership role and have the ability to make a positive impact as a physician, if you address others in a constructive, reassuring manner on a regular basis. Remember that everyone needs to be recognized in their own way. Nurses, respiratory therapists, social workers, and pharmacists will help you in many ways throughout your career. Consult with them regularly and show your appreciation for them. Foster your intellectual curiosity and be open to new opportunities along the way. It may lead you down a very rewarding path. In order to answer some important questions about the reasons for Prince Edward Island’s higher than national average asthma rates, I was able to assist in the development of the first asthma education centre on PEI. This required building positive relations with administrators and bureaucrats. Working with a multi-disciplinary team can be very gratifying. Medical and office practice, day in and day out, can lead to a certain amount of drudgery. It is important to take stock in your professional life at regular intervals in order to ensure you are both personally and professionally satisfied. Do not expect to be happy all of the time, every minute of the day. This is part of the journey. Try to enjoy each stage of your career. Take time to celebrate the small successes and increased knowledge base you have achieved over the years. There is always a gift, even in the most difficult of experiences. It is important to use these experiences to improve oneself. With positive people around you, it can be refreshing to change career tracks or even re-locate, if need be, or if an opportunity presents itself. Most working days, you spend more time with colleagues than your own families. Having a good group of colleagues with whom to discuss difficult decisions and treatment choices can be very supportive. It is not necessary to be best friends with all of your colleagues. However, it is very important to treat colleagues and trainees respectfully. Embrace humour and good will in your medical setting, and always remember to practice forgiveness. Be kind to yourself. Do not expect perfection—in yourself or others. Not holding grudges is crucial. Working in fast paced, critical situations often under duress, can bring out undesired behaviours in all of us. Try to give yourself some time and breathing space to decompress. This helps in dealing with strong emotions and avoids angry words or bad decisions which you may later regret. Forgive yourself and others when these undesirable behaviours arise under such circumstances. We are very privileged to work in a profession whereby we can make an enormous positive impact on children and their families. It is important to remember that it is a very hard job and a heavy burden at times. If one is not careful, the day to day work can take a huge emotional and physical toll on you. It is fundamental to find activities that you can participate in regularly, that give joy and relieve stress. Try to take time to enjoy those special people in your life that give you comfort and strength. Make sure to enjoy family meals together and encourage your patients to do the same. All of you will reap the benefits. Nurturing these relationships pays large dividends. Treating each individual, we meet with respect and demonstrating humanity goes a long way. We are very fortunate to be in a profession whereby a spoonful of kindness really does help the medicine go down. I wish to share one of my favourite Dalai Lama quotes: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Dr. Mitchell Zelman is a Community Paediatrician in Nanaimo, BC. He is a Clinical Instructor at UBC and University of Victoria, regularly involved in education of medical students, Paediatric and Family Medicine residents. He practiced in Charlottetown, PEI, for 25 years before accepting a part time position on Vancouver Island. On PEI, Dr. Zelman was a General Community Paediatrician as well as Deputy-Chief Health Officer for over 20 years and Medical Director Patrick A. Gill Asthma Education Centre. He was Paediatric department head for many years, as well as serving as Chief of Staff for Queen Elizabeth Hospital, and Medical Society PEI Board Member. Doctor Zelman served as Board member for Canadian Paediatric Society and served on its Executive Committee. He also served as Board member for CHANCES organization, Charlottetown, and is presently on the board of directors for the Child Development Centre, Nanaimo, BC. He has co-authored a number of papers, primarily in the area of asthma and vaccine issues. He was named the Canadian Distinguished Community Pediatrician of the year for 2020. He enjoys outdoor activities such as kayaking, paddle-boarding, camping and hiking. It is quite common to see him paddling the Nanaimo Harbour.

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