Missing and remembering our mother: Eulogy for Diane Malley

Diane Francis Malley was born on June 14, 1943 in Ottawa, ON to John and Marcia Malley. Diane died 80 years later on November 12, 2023, oh so very peacefully, at the Nanaimo Seniors Village where she had lived for the past 2 years. Phil, Cedar (Lisa) and Karin were with her, in a nest of peace and safety, when she took her last breaths, and Lo (Laura) was on a flight, coming quickly from her second home in Australia. We were fortunate to be completely supported by our family and friends to take the next several days to be completely present with Mom's passing, and to have the time to honor her life and her death.Between her birth and death, Diane lived a large and full life. She loved, and was loved, by so many, and it means a great deal that you came to be with us today to honour her life.Diane was born an only child. It was a small family, that became even smaller when her parents separated, then later divorced, which was extremely rare at the time. Diane and her mother moved west to BC when Diane was 10 years old. Diane survived this situation by becoming goal driven, and fiercely independent, qualities that carried her through a successful life.Although 10-year-old Diane was shy and a bit awkward, she quickly became fast friends with Joan Vedder, who would be her best friend for 70 years! These two close friends would laugh and cry and sew and dance their way into adulthood together. Diane and Joan created many matching outfits to wear on their adventures.Diane was different from many women of her time, wanting both a family and a successful career. She met Jack Mathias while completing her BSc., and they married in 1966. Together they pursued their careers in aquatic sciences. It was at approximately this time that Diane perfected the beehive hairstyle, Karin was born in 1972, while Diane and Jack were working on their PhD's at the University of Michigan. They continued on to Malaysia with 6-month-old Karin, to teach, and to work on their post-docs on mangrove swamp ecology. There they met Sila, who became their live-in nanny to Karin, and who eventually returned to Canada with them to become part of the family, along with her son, Mohan.Diane and Jack moved to Victoria, BC after a few years in Malaysia, and then on to Winnipeg, MB, where they landed Research Scientist positions at the Fisheries and Oceans Freshwater Institute. Over the next 8 or so years, they expanded their family to include Cedar in 1977, and Lo in 1983.Karin was a bit young to remember much of Cedar's birth, but Lo's birth will be forever etched in her memory. Diane was determined to have a home birth with her third child, after hospital births with her first two children. She had one of the last home births in Winnipeg that would be attended by a physician. Mom wanted us there by her side so we could witness our sister coming into the world, and to know that birthing is normal and powerful. Karin was 11 years old at the time and it most certainly led to her eventual determination to plan beautiful home births with her own two children. As part of mom's legacy, Lo is now a midwife, bringing knowledge and safety into birth for so many women.At the end of the 1980s, about the time The Brundtland Commission coined the term ‘sustainable development’ (which was very significant in Mom's academic life), significant change also occurred in Diane's personal life. She and Jack separated, and her eldest daughter finished high school and left home. Not long after, she started a life with Phil Williams, her second husband, with whom she shared precious love and affection for the rest of her life, another 34 years. Although they shared a love of science and geeked out on anything to do with Near Infrared Spectroscopy, Phil brought playfulness, mutual foot rubs, rose wine, and many pub visits to Diane's life.This time in Diane's life was a renaissance in many ways. So began her exploration of consciousness, crystals, the meaning of life, and to our chagrin. . .the occasional conspiracy theory. Diane started a small group to continue these explorations, and deepened in healing friendships that lasted many decades. This time in Diane's life greatly influenced Cedar and Lo who were about 15 and 10 years old at the time.Following Diane's retirement from the Federal Government in 1997, Diane and Phil joined forces and began a scientific company together, PDK Projects. Following Diane's mother's death in 2002, Diane and Phil moved to Nanaimo to continue their work and their fun together. This was also the era of Diane's elevation to the magnificent role of Grandmother.Diane's first grandchild, Griffin was born in 2007, and Diane delighted in him, and looked after him part-time while Karin and Ken worked. She would take him to the beach to catch crabs (and sneakily teach him about seashore ecology), she would play boats with him in the hot tub (and sneakily teach him about water dynamics), and she would read him many books (and sneakily teach him about his world, including about bats). Diane's first granddaughter, Aya, was born a couple years later in 2010, and so of course Diane was thrilled. Her third and final grandchild, Sage, was born in 2013, much to Diane's delight. Sadly, not long after Sage's birth, Diane was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which progressed to the point at which, in 2021, she moved into Long Term care at the Nanaimo Senior's Village.Diane was driven to achieve academically, and in her work. But her main life's work and true love was being a mother, daughter, friend and life partner. Mom was kind and generous, always stopping to help someone in need. . .unfortunately even telemarketers and door-to-door salesmen! She loved unconditionally and authentically. She had a quirky sense of humor. These qualities shone out from her even to the very end of her life, where at the Nanaimo Seniors village, she was most loved and appreciated. Diane demonstrated a huge capacity for forgiveness. She was generous almost to a fault. She was open and curious and never had a hidden agenda. . .Whatyou saw is what you got. Diane carried herself with a quiet, confident air. . .and had little patience for line ups, unreasonable people, and anyone wanting to look through her bags at the airport.When we look back on mom's life, one thing that stands out most to is the way she showed up for her loved ones. Time after time, mom supported us, her three daughters, in whatever we needed. . . to reach for our dreams and to believe in ourselves. Mom dropped everything in her life when her mother, Marcia, was approaching her end of life, and supported her with grace and dignity to her last breath. Again she dropped everything in her life to come support Karin after she broke her leg badly in a snowboarding accident. She moved her into her grandma's house, drove her to all her many appointments, did Reiki energy healing on her every day. . .and took advantage of the fact that she couldn't walk to feed her almost nothing other than liver pate to build up all the blood she'd lost.We hold all these values and teachings of hers close. We know she is watching over us, so proud of her legacy shining through in her children and grandchildren.Without a doubt, the greatest gifts we received from Mom were our amazing sisters!And her final gift to us was bringing us together to be her support in her last days, and to learn about death in a new and profound way. Her death was not unexpected, but also happened relatively fast. Along with Phil, who rarely left her side those last days, we held vigil, and experienced her most peaceful death a couple hours before dawn. Following our instincts after her death, we made tea and sat together in quiet sadness and reverence. Later that morning Lo arrived, and over the next several days we were able to hold vigil with her body until we sensed that her soul had fully detached. As she was cremated, we witnessed a council of eagles swirling overhead, welcoming her spirit home.Karin Mathias, Cedar Mathias, Laura Mathias

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