Chiang Mai 2015

We landed in Chiang Mai. Nick stood up from his Thai-Airways signature-purple-clad seat, turned his cell phone back on, and announced: “Weird, my phone gives ‘smoke’ as the weather here.” It took ten years to decant, but I now know this comment was a fork in the road, the first crumb leading me, whether I wanted it or not, down a new, meandering trail in the woods. No gingerbread house at the end. The trail is the destination. A trail of enjoyable, forgettable, and unpleasant tastes. A trail of illness.The weather app should have been our first clue that something was awry. As soon as we stepped off the plane, the smell of burning wood engulfed us. It was March 2015, before North Americans became all too familiar with the hazy skies and sullied air caused by massive forest fires (fig. 1). It was late so we went straight to the hotel.My parents met us at breakfast the morning after our arrival. They had flown in separately from Paris and arrived in the middle of the night. Nick and I flew from Toronto first to Singapore and then to Chiang Mai via Bangkok. He was attending a neuropsychiatry conference in Singapore in early March, and I was to return there to participate in a food studies symposium at the end of the month. The timing (and funding) justified a month-long trip, and we decided to visit Thailand between our Singapore events to celebrate our March 15 and 17 birthdays. My parents wanted some warmth in the middle of winter. Nick and I had traveled well with them before and knew their being with us would cover some of our costs. We decided to meet up with them for a couple of weeks. They had had a great time in Vietnam a year earlier, so we picked Thailand as our meeting point since none of us had been there. I would be spending my thirty-first birthday with them, the first time in ten years I could celebrate with my family. And the food was bound to be good.By the time we landed in Chiang Mai, Nick and I had already spent a week on the western Thai island of Koh Mak, chosen as not to be overrun by tourists, which was foolish as we soon learned it was “Thai break” in Germany. Koh Mak had fewer tourist sights than other close-by islands but it made up for it by still having a bustling farming sector. We drove our rented moped through pineapple and Hevea plantations, the latter tapped to gather natural rubber. But the beach had to be raked every morning to remove plastic garbage delivered by the waves. The Pad Thais and curries we recognized from restaurants and takeout in various Western cities we had lived in. The main unexpected culinary element was the cooks’ tendency not to add eggs directly to the Pad Thais but to wrap the noodles inside an omelet instead. I was not yet aware that this dish was a fairly new culinary “invention,” brought forth for nationalistic purposes after the country gained its independence (Greeley 2009; Van Esterik 2000). I thus categorized our island Pad Thais as, “wow, real Thai food.” Another Koh Mak culinary highlight was a pizza prepared by American expats, eaten as we sat in the sand awaiting a ferry ride to a close-by secluded beach. In terms of sensory souvenirs, this pizza beat those Nick and I would eat a few years later in Napoli during our honeymoon. We had one other exceptional Thai meal featuring an appetizer in which the sweetness of palm sugar and the salty sourness of fish sauce mixed with herbaceous notes brought forth by the unknown leaves in which I wrapped my shrimps to form a morsel of flavor I had never experienced. I had finally put my tongue on an “authentic” experience—and here come the scare quotes.I should have known better. By 2015, I had graduated with a doctorate in food history and was well versed in the food studies literature. I knew that the search for “authentic” food, especially the food of populations living in areas occupied by colonial Empires for centuries, is loaded with power relationships, exoticisation, and neocolonial desires to “eat the Other” (Heldke 2008; hooks 1992). My own dissertation (and soon-to-be book) was the story of a doomed search for tradition, albeit in a US context (Bégin 2016). And yet, I continued to roam Thai markets and food stalls to find “the real deal.” The curse of the privileged Western foodie. * * *When we arrived at the hotel’s breakfast courtyard, I was surprised my father was not happier to see me. Jet lag, probably. He went to pick up the rental car as we were to depart for a road trip the day after. We planned to drive to the “golden triangle” at the border of Thailand, Laos, and China, to enjoy famously stunning views of terraced rice paddies and absorb the local culture, cuisine included. We leisurely finished our meal, chatting with my mother, and after a while we wondered why my father was taking so long to return. New city, many rickshaws.It was Nick’s birthday. We visited Chiang Mai’s inner-city temples, where my father snapped a photo of Nick and I banging a gong to ring in Nick’s new year. We bought our dinner at the famed night market where street food stalls offered grilled octopus skewers here, a glass noodle salad there, a Pad Thai a bit further down the crowded road. The skills of the vendors grinding the ingredients for mango salad in their large wooden mortar and pestle fascinated me. I breathed in the pungent smell before tasting the best rendition of the dish I’d ever eaten. We had no time to take any of the cooking classes offered in Chiang Mai, but I think my mother and I would have done so during our planned few days back there after our northern trip. We’ll never know if we would have been able to see beyond the staged, playful authenticity the instructors put on for tourists and that anthropologists love to analyze in their articles (a safe way for them to “eat the Other” under the guise of “doing research”?) (Mills 2019; Walter 2017). By the time we drove back to Chiang Mai, we would no longer be looking for genuine food experiences or novelty—we would be searching for sustenance. * * *Before we left, my parents and I poured over the printouts of our hotel reservation confirmations. It would have been useful to have a map larger than a phone screen.“Papa, why did you use Expedia to plan this trip? You never use Expedia. I don’t get our itinerary, it’s all over the place. The dates seem all mixed up.”“It was useful to keep everything in one place.”“Camille, he won’t let me double check it,” my mother chimed in. “He changed everything two days ago.”“You girls don’t understand the logic. I got it all figured out. Trust me.”“OK, but why does it say you cancelled the reservation in this nice-looking hotel to book us in this subpar one? Why did you change it?” I kept asking questions—none of the bookings made sense to me.“Trust me.”We did not yet know that we were right to question him. * * *Off we went in the rental car, driver on the left in Thailand. My father, who had planned all trips for the past twenty-five years, was the only one who knew where we were going. The roads were in good shape. My father, not always an easy man but usually relaxed and self-assured when traveling, alternated between jolly and his moodiest of moods. One moment he showed his happiness at seeing Nick and I in love, and the next he barked at me for not getting into the car fast enough. We were unsure what to make of his strange behavior.The world-renowned views of Northern Thailand? Nowhere to be seen. Smoke, fog, more smoke. Everywhere. We stopped at viewpoints to look at smoke. Instead of the melodious green camaieu we expected, the landscape was a cacophony of grays and browns—a wall of muffled sounds and heavy smoke. Not a single ray of sunshine made it through. The smell retreated at times, and we were still unsure whether this was fog or smoke, but the higher we got, the more the earthy scent of burning trees reached us. We all hoped for better conditions on the way back down to Chiang Mai. No other tourists were in sight.The hotels? The worst. We arrived at our first hotel at night. It was dark but we could make out several wooden bungalows organized around an empty pool. Either we were the only guests or everyone else was already asleep. The manager (or maybe the owner?) showed the four of us to one bungalow with two sleeping areas separated by a too-short pink curtain. The bungalow was made of dark teak wood. Once inside, I was reminded of an alpine cabin. The decoration was sparse: two pink accent pillows, wooden bedside tables with reading lamps. In my memory the only sources of light were the dim circles under and over the lampshades. We were tired from the drive but had enough in us to demand separate bungalows for the price my father had prepaid. The manager reluctantly showed Nick and me to a similar bungalow, though with orange accents rather than pink. * * *We were settling down for the night when I heard the scream from my parents’ bungalow. It was my mother. I had never heard such a guttural from I got and a at me when I if we could off the in but this is not this is not is not It out of He he a is not I don’t know had them as a and an their with my mother while my father out for a bit before back to I would to with a But I had never being so of him. I had never their bungalow, and my father at me to get out. He me the had brought on a and his in his I with my mother to went back and we all back to * * next day was my thirty-first birthday. I an but at some in the I got My parents had finished breakfast when we arrived at the the their way through the smoke. my father was there, My mother was in The man who had us the night before as and us eggs and of in the as the eggs rather than was a with with none of the of a street food He none of the and we had come to My father everything was that he had his breakfast and that was with the hotel with guests and a of leaves and the with a could be a pool. My father had for two We were went for a ride on the visited a and went some the of the on which my parents were and the on leaves and into the middle of the I wondered if this was a to up the for A and safe But seeing my parents in this a me their their years after this was the first time I was an I was and I did not yet know this would be my main of the my parents would not be here and should not be for and could off an we the road from the and the local of own eggs in a that of we to from wooden with a few other tourists were there but was not an we wondered we had landed there. My father had into the my mother and I had ever was his a was not we for a to the a I had not went through the It was with the of well for my search for a Thai culinary We a fish in a The us of its and at us when we it would be with no for our Western But the was so we could eat We had been had by our desires for genuine local I in of my birthday My father through his * * day up we local to us through the They were surprised any tourists their the air but and took us on a through and the In the my father their and from the with as (fig. on In the wood with from the The with their us no They had of did my father to he to the conditions under which We breathed in the could the it were the of the landscape for their on his but their on the (or on his memory was he surprised to see in what had been to us as a of I think it was the He our road trip in and I have his my new every time I have had to my The in the me to our through the down to the of the we went the and of our through the I I could this trip too when I it to be by the fires us on the the of and us. that it was and as if was to have a of tourists enough to visit at this time of the year. The to and for this but in and this was should have been turned into a * * *When I to my to that of years later as I with the of my father, I to it I this trip. I the first in this did not to and but to the and I to remove from the I down at my and the I a moment to this taking the after a still in my and on the day we up in the of the on our I on my and on to when my back to It when I so the is My but I in a As if the in for years if I get I to them, this I not the and cover with the we use to in of I my back I should into the smoke. I no longer have to a but as Nick is now on the of I use his The back a of articles on the in Thailand. As I after and for the context of the Thai of my trail of and * * the to use the I while is an and way of the for especially in such as Northern Thailand. areas a that the the areas then as for a couple of years before being left for to ten years so the forest and the its other year or a new is a in which 2016). in the the or to with at this in of the farming of such as for higher from at populations into the “Thai and and them from farming and the from and the Thai farming local to their and made them and large a for to new areas for The of in such as Chiang Mai the and local have on the of the in the late and early The main been a by and so so to who the of forest fires in Northern Thailand, turned into form of and the from to and As would be expected, this on over a year in Northern Thailand. the country as burning in other as well and the Bangkok. In the caused I put it I see what we could not by our for the of one man we for We had into a and on the and of the food we so wanted to In our as culinary tourists, we had tourists of the * * put on a for our meal, as have done for of of tourists since the of Northern Thailand in the They our in in of us and It was a down to the of the We were to the their into and you make to as but never use years still in my The meal was good enough. and at the it took to The and the made of food the the it so we would have a food to back on if put off by their (and more it a local food there as I my and the meal as as I could my He was but on his the for us to of in the middle of the My father the A man in his late he took his off and finished the in his and The of the a through a and a into a the end of the the had us visit his and showed me to use an to down a from a * * our we continued further and up and in still in heavy smoke. My mother and I local that would in our Paris and Toronto for years the of the back too many next hotel was a over those of the It was the and the food changed a my parents and I what the was with I a not to make a and to eat was in the to search for a My father a He never at but he would it in to the local it me as out of the was for or a for he usually a local But he did not to and was a Nick had a He wanted more than one on this trip with his morning my mother, and I up early and went to the local market and long of with at a as by the it was right I still long for the I know never My father us he to in after our I think he wanted to from to everything was breakfast at the we my father was not He had been to the of to to the on his a that should have been My mother now that he had had a time the and in Thai during their in Bangkok. He was a to the in yet had to for with that were too with his was to a a enough for who had graduated from and in He my father have had a on the over from Paris and us the had to be especially as my parents and I had a to return to a few days The was that the air on the could a more Nick this was out of the my and his being and had not and my father had to take to his a familiar and would back to We Nick to with my father while he was having his hotel to get to his and something was and that he to be by a Nick did my mother retreated to and I off my breakfast with the now I had down the day No to let it my father to the road trip and drive back to Chiang Mai to get at a local with the story of his was so we he have had a I to keep the in My mother was not up for dark Nick drove us down the road back to the My father to so he The of us were and * * *We drove straight to the Chiang Mai where an of us. a few of my father was in an and to the The was for one to with the The was up for with a as an and a with a My mother Nick and I left to check in at the new this one chosen by my mother and We had a on the looking over the of attending the night market under the I my and over my Nick was what to say or especially as his trip was to an end. As he for the before I had planned to with my parents before back to and then to * * the I took the back to the beyond the and its that form a around the I would come to know the way well over the next few a few of my a in to us that the was to see us. A we had us to down in his and for his at You see is get here or but you back to the was the to with to to find the right in my to Nick to reached Nick during his this is what I was this was on but I did not to you and out. The made me think He with a of the between sugar and the of a on all being to Paris so he get at could on the if you it But only so many areas since it’s in the with the during the you the of the down the down a It the of the that all and then me that he first to the he had not me not who my but I for They never see their father a few more days in Chiang Mai, time for the in my to so the could a to brought in a food for to his in a the of No The first meal was too was my father so he up and let my mother and I for him. We noodles and mango We the from the food stalls the too to any longer culinary The local food our but could not our and We for a familiar * * the in his my and his but he still us of the in the We were we to in the for this of or more a My father alternated between of his and being the I had ever and would ever see Thai did not know where to put the on his was than their He an The a wooden tongue to to it into his became his main when not It but it took me years to understand that the was the of his a I at a local took me in the to me my was and to return as soon as was for me, and as he did not this with my father or my mother. I now know that the of the and my any in the looking at his knew well before the that the was a in the of in their early with an is what and As well as, for my of the in what a But it safe and not have And you a in to on a that the is think Nick knew as He me understand that the heavy the of my which the caused by his and in in too for any of us to * * an to back to Paris with us. A with We was and out of the to and took right over from the Thai traveled with a for and a a and in during the trip. us would to a few a and a bit of before to get us early for the back to Paris via Bangkok. The of us in my that of the Chiang of the trip as a for the longer one to My father made it through the first of and and after through the while he he could we the My father and the traveled first my mother and I in as I was not on the and thus not by the I went to check on my father He made me when he that he had up the by he was being for a of the was for us at the to straight to the at the we my in his new a smell as if he had from a trip. No or My mother and I were to return during the street food

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