Lives Penciled in, the Reality of Chronic Health Conditions and Trauma: Reflexivity, Health, and Shadowed Identities
Bibliographic record
Abstract
When living with chronic health conditions or experiences of trauma our lives can become perpetually penciled in. The use of the penciled-in metaphor means to arrange our time tentatively: a date, an appointment, a meeting, seeing a movie, or attending a class. In our technologically-driven world of electronic calendars where everything is entered electronically, the utility of the pencil and hand-written agendas have all but vanished. However, for the purpose of this article, the pencil provides a metaphoric common ground to learn about the totality of the disruption experienced by living with chronic health conditions and their residual trauma. The pencil is touchable, tangible and as a researcher and a person who lives with challenging health concerns, metaphors help me to create an understanding of the chaos of living a life in pain with cancer. This article is a person-centered account of the process of reflexive coping and self-processing of pain by a pain researcher and educator. This article focuses on the metaphor of penciled-in lives to provide a qualitative account of experiences of pain from chronic health issues and the trauma both physical and emotional it causes. This act of reflexivity becomes a personal examination of life. It reveals to me my beliefs, decisions, and practices before and during my hermeneutic journey and how these may have prejudiced my thinking and behaviors.
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How this classification was reachedexpand
Full frame distilled prediction
Teacher imitationNot calibrated prevalence, not ground truth. Human validation pending. Learned from the 10,348 direct Codex labels and 10,348 direct Gemma labels. Candidate is the union of thresholded teacher heads; consensus is their intersection. These outputs are machine_predicted_unvalidated and are not human labels or direct frontier model labels.
Codex and Gemma teacher scores by category
| Category | Codex | Gemma |
|---|---|---|
| Metaresearch | 0.016 | 0.001 |
| Meta-epidemiology (narrow) | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Meta-epidemiology (broad) | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Bibliometrics | 0.000 | 0.001 |
| Science and technology studies | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Scholarly communication | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Open science | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Research integrity | 0.000 | 0.001 |
| Insufficient payload (model declined to judge) | 0.000 | 0.000 |
Machine scores (provisional)
The two teacher heads of the student model, read on this work. A score orders the frame for review; it never asserts a category, and the validation status ships verbatim with every row.
Baseline scores from an immature model (maturity gate not passed, 7 training rounds). Scores rank; they never assert a category.
score_only:v0-immature-baseline · verbatim from the scoring run: score_only means the number may rank works, and no category label ships from itClassification
machine, unvalidatedMachine predicted; a candidate call from one teacher head, not a consensus.
How this classification was reached, model by model and score by score, is at the end of the page under "How this classification was reached".