To the Person Who Will Assess Me for Autism: On Self-Diagnosis and the Longing to be Seen
Bibliographic record
Abstract
Artist Statement (Creative Nonfiction): I was self-diagnosed autistic before I went in for my so-called professional assessment. The months leading up to my assessment brought a good deal of stress. Would I be believed? Seen? How could I be? How, when I had spent a lifetime feeling misunderstood? "To the Person Who Will Assess Me for Autism" is exactly what it sounds like: a letter to my assessing psychologist. It was written in real-time, processing my self-diagnosis, yearning for proof, and working toward the belief that my identity as an autist would not be diminished by someone else's disbelief. I was formally diagnosed in October of 2021, but the writing of this letter was more empowering and validating of my autistic identity than my diagnosis itself.
Fetched live from OpenAlex and de-inverted. Abstracts are not stored in this database: the inverted indexes are 8.6 GB of the frame’s 9.3 GB of text, and the host has 13 GB free.
How this classification was reachedexpand
Full frame distilled prediction
Teacher imitationNot calibrated prevalence, not ground truth. Human validation pending. Learned from the 10,348 direct Codex labels and 10,348 direct Gemma labels. Candidate is the union of thresholded teacher heads; consensus is their intersection. These outputs are machine_predicted_unvalidated and are not human labels or direct frontier model labels.
Codex and Gemma teacher scores by category
| Category | Codex | Gemma |
|---|---|---|
| Metaresearch | 0.002 | 0.002 |
| Meta-epidemiology (narrow) | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Meta-epidemiology (broad) | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Bibliometrics | 0.000 | 0.001 |
| Science and technology studies | 0.001 | 0.000 |
| Scholarly communication | 0.000 | 0.000 |
| Open science | 0.001 | 0.000 |
| Research integrity | 0.000 | 0.001 |
| Insufficient payload (model declined to judge) | 0.000 | 0.000 |
Machine scores (provisional)
The two teacher heads of the student model, read on this work. A score orders the frame for review; it never asserts a category, and the validation status ships verbatim with every row.
Baseline scores from an immature model (maturity gate not passed, 7 training rounds). Scores rank; they never assert a category.
score_only:v0-immature-baseline · verbatim from the scoring run: score_only means the number may rank works, and no category label ships from itClassification
machine, unvalidatedMachine predicted; a candidate call from one teacher head, not a consensus.
How this classification was reached, model by model and score by score, is at the end of the page under "How this classification was reached".