Sei Brava

Darlene MadottSei brava, Signora.Hai coraggio.The praise was from an old man, to mea woman, cycling in Sardegna, in the company of mostly men.But I took it as approval of my life's journey, in particular, the courage it takes to create.The writing.Who would have thought?That every encounter with the blank page would take such courage.I went into the study of law because of a writer's block.I had to find a way of being in the world.I thought, if I cannot write, let me do something useful, something that will consume hours like fire to human hair, make writing impossible, or make me forget about writing.I experienced long periods of silence.The silence when I was becoming a lawyer, becoming a mother, trying to transform myself, to leave the need to write behind.In becoming a lawyer, I initially felt I had betrayed myself, breaking faith with that which I had most wanted to pursue.Ironically, I also found, in placing this legal girdle upon the mind, a personal freedom.It was as if I travelled in disguise.Ultimately, it is far easier to obey something external than an internal imperative.Yet, in forcing that discipline upon myself, proving that I could do it, there was a strange and subversive right to pursue the self-under cover.Becoming a mother-painful as birthing stories.With motherhood, I also experienced a loss of control, a helplessness as the child grew and necessarily took his own mysterious directions.Through my late twenties and thirties, I wrote, if at all, in the margins of life and "real" work.My publications occurred, almost by surprise-in fact, the way I gave birth to my one, only son.Making Olives and Other Family Secrets, my fifth publication, was the book that made the difference in my writing career.I went from being the "good little aspiring writer" to the writer who now half the family wanted to sue.She's a loose cannon.Who knows what she'll say, next?"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," wrote my cousin Bob, not long after its publication: "You have managed to insult your parents, family and relatives with your book.You have insulted my parents and immediate family.You-a lawyer!To consider if there were any legal implications should have been enough to change the direction of your story.What bothers me most is, where did you get the information from?" 228

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